Staying alive

At 0630 on Sunday morning, I was faced with a sudden choice. Do I want to die now, or stay alive? I was out on my bike and a passing wasp caught in my beard and stung me on the lip. A mile later I felt woozy so stopped, leant my bike against a tree and sat on the verge. There was nobody around, the sun was shining and it was warm.

I live with depression and when down, sometimes wish I was no longer around. My body‘s reaction to wasp stings is that my blood pressure plummets and my heart beat becomes irregular. This would be a very comfortable way to end my life. Now was my chance.

But I realised that have lots to good reasons to stay alive, so plunged my epipen needle into my leg, lay down for a bit, and then rang home. Belinda drove out to collect me and my bike and the rest of the day was spent quietly. Now I feel fine, apart from a swollen lip and cheek.

So having made the decision to stay alive, I realise I now need to be positive and push my depression firmly back into the box from which it occasionally escapes. Perhaps that wasp did me a favour.